Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Stop Procrastinating Jeremy

I finish chugging down my third energy drink of the day. It’s only 5 o’clock. I crush the empty can and attempt to bank shot it off a wall into the recycling box. I misjudge the angle just alittle bit and the crumpled can bounces awkwardly off the reduce/reuse/recycle side of the blue box. I get up off my computer chair and walk over to slam dunk the can into the pile of recycling. Going back to my room, I pass by a pizza box with one lonely slice left to coagulate on its own. That pizza slice is the only one of its kind to not serve its intended purpose; it is the only one to not be eaten among its brother and sister slices.

That was a wasted thought Jeremy; keep focused on the book review. The book says that smoking is hierarchically constructed according to race, class, and gen…ewww, fruit flies!

I grab a can of Febreeze and use chemical warfare to put an end to the fruit fly infestation around the old slice of pizza. The Febreeze may not kill all fruit flies, but I coat the area with enough spray that any survivors will drown in artificially scented lavender liquid. I throw the pizza box in the garbage and tie up the bag. I take the former fruit fly paradise outside to the side of the road.

Stop procrastinating Jeremy, book review book review book review.

I walk back into my room and I can’t even see my laptop buried beneath all my school papers. Laundry is piled around my bed, protecting it like castle walls. Every schoolbook and binder I have used this semester is littered across my desk and is spilling on the floor. The remains of several meals, hurriedly eaten while working last minute on one of the three papers I have finished already this week, are stacked on top of my mini-fridge. I start grabbing laundry, separating lights from darks, and begin throwing them into a basket.

You are still procrastinating. This feels like a chore, something that NEEDS to be done. But Jeremy, that is what makes chores such dangerous procrastination tools! Video games, TV, Facebook, those are easy to identify as procrastination, but time spent doing laundry and dishes instead of tackling the mountain of work in front of you is time wasted. Seven papers, four books, and three presentations all due in the next two weeks. You put yourself in this situation. Even the shower you took today was a luxury you can’t afford. You are even wasting time thinking about this right now. Get to work!

I flop into my chair and swing around to face the white glow of my computer monitor. The unexpected brightness of the blank Microsoft word document that is supposed to be my book review causes me to squint. I begin typing whatever comes into my head. I will sort out the good stuff from the bad later on. Right now, I concentrate on darkening my computer screen with black text. My eyes quickly begin to get heavy, so I reach into my mini-fridge and pull an energy drink out of the case.

Shoot Jer, you need to get some more.

I hop out of my chair with the frosty can in my hand. I walk to my closet, pull on my coat and put on my shoes as I crack open the energy drink that acts as nitro fuel for my studies. I step outside and start walking to the corner store, sucking down a dozen different kinds of liquid sugar as I go.

Ok, Jeremy, after you get another case of energy drinks you WILL start working again. And as long as you think about the book review on the walk to the store, it won’t count as procrastination. World War II dramatically changed the way people smoked because…


Whitney Bourgouin said...

This was great! I loved the tone and the humour used. I especially liked the ending. It didn't end really nicely, it ended on a funny tone and it didn't really solve too much.
I liked the tracing of the thought process when you're procrastinating, because I 100% identify with it! I know what ou mean about "wasted" thoughts, and the idea that if you do laundry, at least you weren't on facebook all day.
I htink what stuck out for me in this piece, besides the clever story itself, was the description. From the way you threw the drink can and it hit the recycling bin, to the description of the Febreeze as "artificially scented lavender liquid," it was good in getting and keeping my attntion because it was so vivid. The alternating between your own inner dialogue and your actions was clever too, because procrastinating usually means you're alone and bored... all you have to work with is yourself and your own thoughts.

Chelsea C said...

Hey, this was a great piece and very easy to relate to. I like how you showed your distractions and explained every student's flaw of procrastinating. I really liked the line "I pass by a pizza box with one lonely slice left to coagulate on its own" It is a very humerous distraction. I also like the part when you are in the middle of your thoughts, "That was a wasted thought Jeremy; keep focused on the book review. The book says that smoking is hierarchically constructed according to race, class, and gen…ewww, fruit flies!" This was very funny and a very good effect in showing your distractions. Good job.

Cassie B said...

This piece was awesome! Your description of your room was so well done. I am a clean freak and as I read your piece I could image your room and everything in the room. You did a great job make a clear difference between your actions and your thoughts. Great post!

Stacey39 said...

Hey Jeremy,

I liked the way you structured your piece as both narrating yourself and speaking to yourself. I think this had a very interesting effect.

One thing I found a bit contradictory was the slow tone of the post after you say that you've had three energy drinks. I don't know about other people, but after three (then four) hefty servings of caffinee, I am wired and buzzing like a bee. It would be interesting for you to change the pace of the article to show that.

I really liked the description of the action in the first paragraph. I really could visualize the action of the can, which made me want to keep reading. Good post.