tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2326859435397772818.post6481264453712777307..comments2009-11-29T20:55:22.308-08:00Comments on Material Thoughts: Dealing with "it"Jeremy Dunlophttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04662830082081557617noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2326859435397772818.post-7596033336532773882009-11-15T22:19:16.313-08:002009-11-15T22:19:16.313-08:00Jeremy,
This is a great piece. You create tension...Jeremy,<br />This is a great piece. You create tension right from the beginning, making your readers long to know why you are so angry. My favorite part of the piece is the personification of your acoustic guitar, Sophie. It adds humor as well as displays the connection you have with your guitar. <br />I felt like the lead in, describing your other methods could possibly be more built up. You could explain when each method works the best. <br />Great post!<br />-CassieCassie Bhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06090938257582566586noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2326859435397772818.post-73398272994479838722009-11-15T18:53:48.226-08:002009-11-15T18:53:48.226-08:00I really like this! It’s just so relatable: everyo...I really like this! It’s just so relatable: everyone has problems, and different ways of dealing with them. It was interesting to see your take on it. Also excellent was that you started with action, and your description of the scene was vivid without being padded, which was because of your great word choice. You used a lot of dynamic verbs (punt, clutching and grasping, etc), which just really keep your attention and make the whole piece very vibrant. <br /><br />I really liked the ending. It isn’t always a bad thing to ‘wrap things up’, especially since this isn’t really a post that is a story. You gave us a nice callback to the first paragraph, and let us see that there was maybe a personal lesson you learned in writing this out. Anyway, all in all, great job.Sarahhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02666152621536739437noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2326859435397772818.post-76572302718198949222009-11-15T17:05:05.362-08:002009-11-15T17:05:05.362-08:00Hey,
I like this post. It reminds me of type of l...Hey,<br /><br />I like this post. It reminds me of type of longer creative non-fiction essay: like the guy who wrote about the "art of sighing". It's interesting and funny because it is analyzing a little part of life that we all have to deal with: breaking it down into categories and looking at it from a different perspective. I also liked how you started with a scene, and than gave that scene context with the rest of your piece. <br /><br />Well doneMeghan Eddyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05642871169312049758noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2326859435397772818.post-794061653695073812009-11-15T12:12:48.604-08:002009-11-15T12:12:48.604-08:00Hey Jeremy,
I really like the description you use...Hey Jeremy,<br /><br />I really like the description you use in this post. Even though you never explicitly say what "it" is, you are able to talk about the various ways you have of coping. <br /><br />I think the end "wraps it up" a little bit. Maybe you could return to the negative action. Do you experience a catharsis after you rage against your room? Maybe that's how you "let it go."<br /><br />Great piece.Stacey39https://www.blogger.com/profile/01147227412162445976noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2326859435397772818.post-7757518124066589962009-11-12T10:42:31.480-08:002009-11-12T10:42:31.480-08:00Jeremy, this is one of my favourite posts by you. ...Jeremy, this is one of my favourite posts by you. I really liked the beginning because,like we talked about in class, it starts with the conflict. I also like the image of the Kleenex box, which almost always indicates crying (or a cold, I guess. And then at the end you go back to the Kleenex again to tie it all together. The form of the post was interesting too, and I like that it was different from most of our posts that are all in one story form, so this was different. One of my favourite lines was "I open it carefully…OH NO! Oh jeez, all my bottled up problems almost escaped." It's like the problem, or "it", is really a physically tangible thing, so that was a neat way to write about it.<br />Good job!Whitney Bourgouinhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05108124572730391241noreply@blogger.com